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Most dating books tell you what not to do. Here's a book dedicated to telling you what you can do.
In his book, Get the Guy, Matthew Hussey - relationship expert, matchmaker, and star of the reality show Ready for Love - reveals the secrets of the male mind and the fundamentals of dating and mating for a proven, revolutionary approach to help women to find lasting love.
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Published March 5th 2013 by HarperAudio (first published January 31st 2013)
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Being a male, I read this book out of curiosity and I was surprised how good it was. It deals primarily with inner game and attitude and most of it can be applied to both men and women. Therefore, I believe it is actually too narrowly marketed to female readers. There are some passages that deal with 'the inner lives' of men and from a male perspective they resonated with me. I can now better understand why previous relationships of mine did not work out. I very much enjoyed that Matthew does no..more
This book's approach reminds me of that old Steve Martin comedy bit, 'How you can have one MILLION dollars, and NEVER pay taxes..first, get a million dollars. Now---'
The book is described as providing dating tips that still let you be you, and don't require any gamesmanship to meet and keep a quality man; neither claim turns out to be true. In a nutshell, the book's how-to can be boiled down to this:
1. Get an amazing, irresistible life.
2. Be an amazing, irresistible person.
3. Stop being insecur
Jul 09, 2013Kim rated it really liked it
This is a great book, but it's more of a broad 'this is how you should live your life' philosophy book. So if you're expecting a detailed how-to-capture-a-man-step-by-step manual, you'll be disappointed.
A lot of what Hussey says is common sense, but some girls (like me) who are kind of clueless with men need to hear it. I like that the tone of this book is very hopeful and optimistic, and his advice is two-fold: not only is it about improving your dating life, but it's also about improving yours
Eh. Most of the advice in this book was geared towards making you feel like you have to be a Manic Pixie Dream Girl in order to land a guy. There's a lot of unsettling talk about constantly sexually validating your man in order to keep him (or else he'll cheat!). I'd say at least 80% of this book is useless or hurtful. I have a particular problem with Hussey's repeated insinuations that if you are good enough, you can tame that bad boy who doesn't want to commit. Read: it's your fault he's not c..more
What if I told you there was a simple, concise, no-nonsense manual on how to find, attract and keep your ideal man? Sounds too good to be true? Well, such a book exists; it is written by the world’s leading relationship coach and love guru, Matthew Hussey.
From the very first word typed in the introduction, the Get the Guy book is launched from the very sobering platform of “love is hard.” A very clear and accurate portrait of love is etched across the canvas of the first page; just reality, a no
Jul 08, 2014Liza rated it really liked it
Shelves: non-fiction, non-fiction-advice, kindle, kindle-library
It's a basic book telling you what you already know, but somehow have forgotten along the way. While the videos were cute (I could directly open them on my Kindle) what made them annoying was that Hussey kept saying, 'Like this video. Now buy more man getting secrets!' It just had a scam feel to it, which I didn't like.
Basically this book is asking you to be more open, take more chances, and not let men walk all over you. You know this, I know this, but sometimes you need to hear it from someone
Jun 18, 2014Lin rated it it was ok
Well, I sometimes learn more form people I disagree with than from people who always have the same views. This book was okay, I liked the general self-development parts but when it comes to dating advice it's not my cup of tea. However, I enjoyed seeing things from his perspective, especially when it drifted into being a little autobiographical.
When I started reading this book, I immediately was challenged by the thoughts being introduced. However the advice to be a woman of high value and not to settle was compelling. No woman in her right mind wants to settle for less and that is easier said than done.
Matthew goes over and beyond. Not only does he tell you want you need from his heart, he then explains the concept with his analogy about the train or other examples and quotes. Although you have to get out there and try.. What I find
May 16, 2013MissAnnThrope rated it really liked it · review of another edition
Shelves: 2013, library-book, non-fiction, self-help
18 May 2013
Admittedly, I am a cynic when it comes to matters of the heart and self-help books on relationships don't even make a blip on my radar of books to read. However, after watching Matthew Hussey on Ready for Love, his insight resonated deeply with me and my curiosity was piqued by Get the Guy: How to Find, Attract, and Keep Your Ideal Mate. I probably would have hesitated to pick up the book if it weren't for my best friend's high recommendations, and I'm sure glad she nudged me to read
Funny one. Be ideal and your chances will improve significantly. Not really inspiring, huh?
The book was better than I expected, but not by much. The methods presented are the ever annoying catch-22 plans.. don't be too intimidating, but be 'high-value.' Be sexy, but don't make him think you're a slut. Be straightforward, but in a flirty, non-threatening way!! Not rating it 1 star because the first part of 'how to meet guys' is mostly solid advice.. namely 'don't live in a hole, the more people you meet the likelier you are to meet 'the one..' and that meeting and being friendly to..more
May 04, 2013Sara rated it really liked it

Get The Scripts Matthew Hussey

· review of another edition
Shelves: self-help, library-book, non-fiction, 2013, want-to-read-again
Very interesting.
Matthew Hussey really has a compassionate voice. The writing in this book felt like he was cheering you on and that he truly desired you to be the best you can possibly be. He instantly felt like someone you could trust and be safe with- and I don't know how to describe the specifics in his writing that made me feel this way.
I found many things in this book interesting and I would read it again.
Oct 11, 2018Nereid rated it liked it · review of another edition
I picked up this book out of curiosity as I saw it online in a feed on my Facebook page. I do not agree with all that this author has said but some things did ring true. It kind of reminds me of that book an movie 'He's just not into you' which was popular a few years ago. It is interesting concept on how differently the two sexes think and feel regarding certain matters. It is definitely is a good dinner conversation starter that's for sure.
Jan 18, 2017PeterBlackCoach rated it really liked it · review of another edition
Read this book as a result of a request for advice from a single female client - and being out of my depth, thought I would get some different views. I consider Matthew Hussey has provided a good insight into the male mind together with some great suggestions for females wanting to 'Get the Guy'. Of course, everyone will need to apply their own goals, values and principles in reading this book - then work out what is best for them.
Jul 02, 2013Jill rated it liked it
Some really painful misspellings, but some solid ground advice. I didn't care for the advice on when to have sex with a guy, but other than that and a few really awful edit misses, I found it to be a pretty informative read. PS - I HATE self-help books and especially lame relationship books. I still felt like this one was not a waste of my time.
• style 4/5
• plot ---
• impact 4/5
• derived information 3/5
summary: 3,5/5
The best on that topic, I've ever read.
Edit: I'm coming back and giving this work full 5 stars! Those strategies I now use daily and with amazing results. Thank you Matthew!
Apr 26, 2019Nicole Johnson rated it did not like it
I liked the whole thing about being social and chatting up everyone. After that, I personally just could not get over the fact that every single reference was geared toward the Caucasian population. Every time a woman was described, the visualization was that of a white woman. All of the men who were described, also that of white men. I know it may not matter to most and many may not understand, but, as a woman of color, it's nice to know that you see, hear and recognize women of color. It was d..more
Aunque el titulo del libro/audiolibro da el indicio que es un libro para atraer citas, el autor lleva el tema a un nivel distinto y se enfoca mas en como crear valor en uno mismo. En lo personal, no considero que sea un libro exclusivo para solteras pues pone un panorama realista de como piensan los hombres, que aunque ellos aseguran que son simples, para una a veces no lo son tanto..
Trata temas como inseguridades, citas, trabajo, pasatiempos de una manera simple y divertida.
Muy recomendable!
Jun 03, 2017Srimanti Chtj rated it really liked it
Thought this was an interesting book; not the usual self-help book. Good insights into both men and women.
I love this book! Despite being primarily a 'dating' advice book, I got so much more from Matthew. He really drills into you the idea of being high-value (which he knows we inherently are.) What I loved about this concept is that it translates to many other areas of life. I feel like the contents of this book are what everyone knows to be true, but no one wants to admit to themselves. It offers many practical suggestions for confusing situations, many of which I wish I had used myself in the pas..more
Nov 12, 2013Colleen Wainwright rated it liked it · review of another edition
DON'T JUDGE. Okay, go ahead and judge. There's a hot-pink cover emblazoned with a cheesy graphic that practically begs you to. But like a few other entrants in the how-to-date genre (If the Buddha Dated, Why You're Not Married Yet, and even He's Just Not That Into You), this book contains a lot of good information/support on establishing boundaries, remaining true to oneself, and communicating needs clearly and consistently in relationships of all stripes, not just romantic ones.
I'd be very (VE
Oct 18, 2017Catherine Oughtibridge rated it really liked it · review of another edition
I genuinely enjoyed this book. Yes, it was a light read, and reading it felt frivolous, but the message hit home.
Apr 29, 2018Vinh Khang Nguyen rated it it was amazing
If you think this is a book for only women, you must be wrong.
Whether you want to seek a man or a woman of your life, lessons taught by Matthew are true for almost every one who longs to find the right partner, and build a life of fulfillment with your partner.
I won't say much about the content. But the book left me with whole new different points of views on how relationship works, and how we should be prepared, creating options for our relationship life, not just waiting for a lovestruck, firs
I read this book a chapter a day for 22 days.
Each day I wrote down my opinions of it's content, but while reading it I went through many phases of emotion and although I feel that I picked up some valuable information, reading this book has made me feel bad about myself at a very disheartening level.
Below is my summary of the book. Please be aware that as the book went on, many of the chapter's became shorter and more focused on one single aspect.
Chapter 1 of Get The Guy basically says that I
I have been following Mat since his early videos on youtube so for me the middle part of the book was a little boring because I kinda knew most of what he had to say.
yet, most of the opening and ending chapters were relatively new and I can say that overall it was a nice read. While the main focus of the book is on 'getting the guy' it still offers strategies on becoming a woman of value and building a social circle in general.
at some parts of the book I was reminded with 'act like a lady, think
This book is amazing. Interacting with guys as a married woman is so different from interacting with them as a single one! It's been extremely helpful to have this book to learn how to talk to guys again especially now that texting and online dating are so big. Haha. Something Matthew emphasizes is being a woman of value with high standards that you stick to as a way of attracting the right people. I've heard this advice in church for years but was never sold on it until he presented it. His adv..more
I had the chance to listen to this book, hence the 5 stars - the content is great but the author's passion about this, his friendly tone, his dedication to spreading his valuable message to women (confidence, integrity, independence, playfulness) are what really sold me. I would recommend and gift this to all my girlfriends.
Matthew empowers women and motivates them to see themselves as ‘high value women' women who depend on looks and emotions will not have a good relationship. This book is quite excellent on the topic. I quite like his encouragement in believing in women to display variety personality and be more then a woman to the man she loves. I would recommend for anyone to read this book as I enjoyed reading.
Sep 22, 2013Tue rated it really liked it · review of another edition
I read this mainly to see what advice from a guy would give, since I'm tired of advice given to my girl friends on blogs. I liked this book because it emphasizes developing your own life to attract the type of guy you want.
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Matthew Hussey (born June 19, 1987) is a British television personality, human dynamics coach, and New York Times Bestselling author. He currently stars on NBC's Ready for Love.
“Remember, the pain of rejection is nothing compared to the pain of regret.” — 22 likes
“Having integrity is about knowing what your own standards are and being completely comfortable with them.” — 8 likes
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Owning The First 5­Minutes: How To Have Impact Like A Celebrity, Win Over VIPs, Get People To Pay You For Your Passion, and Make Strangers Fall In Love With Everything You Say Introduction ­ How I’m going to get Matt to deliver up ALL his best secrets My name is Stephen Hussey, and I am not a dating coach. What I am is the brother of a dating coach. Except today I don’t want to talk about dating. I want to talk about something that will transform the way you approach any area of your life, whether it’s your career, your family and friends, your ability to attract clients or future business, or your ability to charm and win over any of life’s important gatekeepers. And by the end of this document, you’ll know how to do this in The First Five Minutes of any situation! Let me ask you a question: Have you ever wondered how Matt has achieved such a high level of success at such a young age? How did he become such a master of human dynamics ­ someone who stands out and has been able to convince others to give him so many incredible opportunities? A lot of people have asked me what his secret is. And the truth is, he has many secrets. What most people don’t realise is that years ago Matt actually created a model to reveal ALL OF HIS SECRETS; a step­by­step toolkit to teach others the powerful techniques he uses to create amazing results in his own life. Yet this material has never been out there for a single soul to see! And that really bugged me (for reasons you’re about to find out). Matt’s always been a little uncomfortable about revealing all this: it’s like

asking a chess grandmaster to analyse his own game and give away all his favourite strategies. He’s also wondered whether his audience would really be interested in these social tools (to which I’ve repeatedly screamed “Of course they would, you massive idiot!”). But there’s another reason that I want these techniques out there. It’s because I want to put an end to a myth. A myth that society, mainstream celebrity culture, and even Matt himself is responsible for perpetuating. And that myth has to end now. Part 2 ­ Matthew Hussey: The REAL man behind the mask My brother Matthew has pulled a fast one. For the last five years he’s had the whole world fooled into believing that he’s a whirlwind of charisma, a masterful communicator, and a ‘natural’ television personality. And in truth (and as his brother I can say this for certain), he is NONE of these things. For a long time I’ve sat back and let him have his fun. I’ve nodded and smiled when people tell me, “he’s just the best natural communicator in the world”. People gush that he was “born to be on stage”; the public perception is that Matthew Hussey is a wunderkind, an intuitive zen­master in the art of influence. Of course, it’s no mystery why people believe this. Matt has an incredible ability to own a room within the first five minutes of arriving anywhere ­ I’ve seen him do it in nightclubs, on stage, during interviews, at lunches with friends…in all of these situations I’ve seen Matt’s amazing powers of influence at work. And it’s the most incredible asset a person can possess (and I’m going to show exactly how anyone can nail the first five minutes of any situation later in this guide). But people don’t realise that this is all a completely conscious and

well­honed skill. People don’t realise that Matt wasn’t born with these abilities: he’s developed them. People just assume he was fed some special breakfast cereal throughout his childhood that made him what he is today. And it’s nonsense. I should know – I had the same cereal as him for 18 years! I’ve decided that this misconception HAS to end now. Before I tell you my diabolical plan for you and me to blow this thing wide open, let me explain how this all began… Part 3 ­ How this all began… It all started a few weeks ago on a calm Tuesday afternoon. It was the day Matt was recording a radio interview, and I had set a reminder to listen at 4pm. Matt was going to be live with Elvis Duran ­ a radio show in New York which has a huge national listenership, so I was eager to see how Matt performed. Plus, since it was universally agreed that Matt kicked ass on his first two appearances, the whole team of us were eager to hear how his third go around would be received. And then I turned it on… Now you have to understand, I’ve heard Matt give at least a hundred interviews on TV, radio, with journalists ­ but this time was just one time too many, and something inside me snapped. Within the precious first five minutes, I could hear that the Elvis Duran team didn’t know what had hit them. They were practically slapping their knees with laughter. They were hooked within five minutes, as the room was transfixed by every single word Matt said – they praised him as an expert and the guy who has all the answers. They cheered uproariously at his stories ­ they even thought it was utterly charming that he had showed up unwashed and in sweatpants! I went online to check out the buzz. Matt’s Twitter following had skyrocketed. His new fans were marveling at where this hurricane of

‘natural’ charisma had come from. The internet had swallowed every word and begged for more. And yet here I was, his brother, who had been with him every step of the way and knew all his techniques. I could see how it wasn’t natural at all ­ it was all engineered perfectly. That interview was like seeing a magician crafting a well­staged illusion. This was my brother, whom I could remember as a little stage­shy nervous kid ­ yet he has now completely assumed the role of a born effortless smooth­talker. And if only people knew the truth; Matt had grown up the least confident kid in the world. Yet in that interview, it was like he was the Wizard of Oz, and I was the only person able to see the tiny man behind the curtain pulling the strings and making the world believe in his godly powers. It was time for this illusion to be shattered. I phoned Matt immediately after the interview: Steve: You’re the Wizard of Oz and you need to come clean and admit the truth to the world right now. (Things may have gotten off to a weird start). Matt: Steve? Is that you? Steve: Yeah it’s me. Listen, that Elvis Duran interview that you did earlier… Matt: Uh­huh. What did you think? Steve: I could see EXACTLY what you were doing the entire time. Every single move. It was like I was watching a magician but I’m the only one who knows the tricks. Matt: Hey it was a big show, I had to bring my A­game and my best stuff.

Steve: But wouldn’t it be better if people knew that it wasn’t all natural? Right now, people think you just rock up to the studio and all that charisma just pours out of your DNA. What if people knew how much effort you put into learning these techniques? Matt: Don’t you think people must know that there’s quite a bit of preparation involved? Steve: I think all people see when they look at you is that you have some superpower that they can never replicate. You’ve let them go on thinking that you’re this guy who just sees through The Matrix, like that part at end of the film when Neo sees all the code written on the screen and suddenly he can just read it, because he’s ‘The One’ and he’s special and no­one else is. People think you’re Neo, Matt. Matt: Steve, people do not think I’m Neo. Steve: Let me just ask you one thing: did you use the ‘Conversational Sleight of Hand’ technique when you told that story about the airplane journey? Matt: Well yeah, obviously. Steve: And I bet you already had some of those ‘spontaneous’ anecdotes written down before you walked in the room, right? Matt: I had them all written down on my iPad on my way to the show. Steve: I knew it. Okay, before you do anything, email me a screenshot of your notes from your iPad. I’m gonna type them up for something we can use later. Matt: Sure. Done. What for? You gonna write them up for a blog post or something? Steve: Better than that. It’s time for you to put your money where your mouth is. Matt: Er..Steve?

Steve: Don’t worry, you’ll thank me later..I think. Matt: What do yo… *Click* After that phone call I had what I needed. I had a full screenshot of Matt’s notes from before the show. Check it out:

It revealed EXACTLY what I had suspected. Everything from that first five minutes of the Elvis Duran interview was completely planned out to the letter! Every little line of the story he told was already scribbled down. Nothing was left to chance. People often wonder what Matt’s secret is. In the space of three years he moved from coaching six women in a cheap London hotel to being hired by Eva Longoria to star in an NBC TV show, writing a New York Times bestselling book (with a little help from yours truly), and owning a world­renowned company that operates in both the UK and the US. The reason is because Matt has managed to build a skill set that is currently the most valuable possession he owns. And this skill set is what I want to bust open and give away in this guide so you too can use it. How do I know anyone can copy Matt’s techniques? Because Matt used to be CRIPPLINGLY SHY as a little kid. He was scared of everything. He was someone who would always run away whenever the chance arose to be in front of an audience – he used to nearly pee his pants at the idea of being seen by a crowd. Forget having impact, Matt couldn’t even handle being noticed! Yet he now appears on television constantly and is regularly called a ‘confidence guru’. And as Matt’s brother, I’ve seen the whole story up close. I watched as Matt put every ounce of energy into building the Get The Guy brand from scratch. At times it nearly destroyed him. He lost his social life. He buried himself in studying and learning everything he could about relationships and human dynamics. He networked like a Mad Man (albeit with far less whiskey). And soon enough, he was invited to LA, and as his business grew and grew he was on a ride towards the kind of lifestyle most people don’t get to enjoy until their 50s! I also got to see the side of the story you never really hear from successful people. I got to see how he developed. I got to see the bumpy ride it took to get him here. I saw his failures, his setbacks, and the enormous obstacles that had to be smashed down repeatedly before he could ever possess the skills he now has. I saw him work on his stage

presence – watching back videos of himself on weekends so that he could perform better at the next seminar. I saw him learn how to become comfortable with a camera, and figure out step­by­step how to influence others in those tiny five­minute windows you’re given as a TV interview guest. People think that Matt’s main asset is his company. They’re wrong. The real asset is this ability to create impact with people, to be able to sell, influence, communicate, and control the dynamic of any interaction. So powerful is this skill that it didn’t even matter when Matt failed, because with mastery of this one element, this one skeleton key of human dynamics, he is always able to turn his fortunes around and make big things happen whenever he needs. Part 4 ­ The One Trait Celebrities Have That The Whole World Wants There is a secret ingredient to Matt’s success. This is the ingredient that, Matt realised as a teenager, he’d have to acquire, or he’d never be able to convince anyone to pay a single dollar to watch him at a two­hour seminar, let alone give him a book deal or put him on TV! And that secret ingredient is IMPACT. Have you ever seen an interview with a celebrity, or an entrepreneur, or a movie star, in which the interviewer asked them that obvious question we all want to know the answer to: “What’s your secret?” We wonder what that magical quality is, the secret charm that successful celebrities and entrepreneurs possess that at some point made an agent or casting director or investor or producer spit out their cigar, wipe the drool from their mouth with a hundred dollar bill and scream “Holy mackerel, this kid is gonna be huge! Sign them up immediately!” Of course, I now realise that this isn’t a magical ability at all. It’s more like a martial art or a video game – if you learn all the moves and know which

buttons to press, you can do the same tricks. And fortunately, by being Matt’s brother, I’ve had the ideal model to learn from… The Hollywood­Star Model – How To Win Hearts and Minds In The First Five Minutes Of Any Situation How do we become someone people take notice of and listen to within the First Five Minutes of us walking into a room? This is such a crucial skill. In most areas of life we barely get a second longer than that to convey our message to the people listening. Our personality has to go a long way in a short space of time, which is why in that initial five­minute window we have to nail it, just like Matt did in the Elvis Duran interview you will have listened to before reading this piece. Below I’m going to share the six secrets that Matt used in that interview, and I’ve shared them all with you and explained how you can use them in any social interaction. Pretty cool, right? Once you learn these six traits and use them in your everyday life, you will be able to transform any interaction, master any emotional or stressful situation, and get people to seek you out as someone who they look to when they need a strong presence in the room.

The Six Secrets Anyone Must Master To Have MASSIVE Impact In the First Five Minutes 1. Be Prepared People who have impact are social geniuses not because they are so gifted at being entertaining spontaneously, but because they make it look like they are being spontaneous. And that’s exactly what Matt did in his Elvis Duran interview. As you can see from the screenshot I posted earlier, Matt wrote his thoughts out on paper like a script before he even got to the studio. He knew that his terrible plane journey was just the thing to talk about, but instead of just freestyling it in the moment, he wrote down an extensive story of what happened, who the main characters were, and got down a few nuggets of vivid description e.g. the “mountain of a man” with the big beard who was throwing potato chips in his face. Having this kind of detail ready enables him to sound eloquent in the moment even though he’s extensively rehearsed what he’s going to talk about. Bottom Line: Preparation maximizes your chances of nailing those First Five Minutes. Mark Twain summed it up best when he said: “It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech'. What’s more, when you prepare, it’s much easier to fulfil the second secret of impact… 2. Be A Master of the Conversational Sleight­of­Hand To own the First Five Minutes of any interaction, you need to be pro­active instead of reactive. The Conversational Sleight­of­Hand is a technique which helps you do exactly this. The principle is simple:


Always answer the question you wish you’d have been asked. This technique guarantees that no matter what situation you’re in, YOU get to control the dynamic of the conversation. You always get to tell the story or make the point that you want to make. Plus, when you learn how to pull it off well, it’s so subtle and indirect, that even the people you’re speaking to will feel like they are in charge, even when in reality you’re pulling them toward exactly where you want to go. See, the secret of the most influential people is that they know not to wait for opportunities, and instead know how to turn any situation into an opportunity. Notice how in the opening part of the Elvis Duran interview, Elvis gives Matt a ribbing for wearing sweatpants, and Matt immediately says “I’ll tell you why..” and launches into his pre­scripted story about his plane journey. So Matt was then able to choose from the very first moment what to speak about even though the interviewer began by leading the conversation. Suddenly everyone is laughing because he’s got this great “spontaneous” anecdote up his sleeve ­ but Matt secretly knew he was ready to deploy it no matter what the first question happened to be. You’ll see politicians use this technique all the time. While some don’t do it very gracefully, those who are masters at communication are able to get their points across no matter what questions are asked of them or whoever the audience happens to be. You’ll also see slick advertisers and savvy marketers do this. They are able to slip their message under the radar in a way that seems completely cool and spontaneous. It’s like when an actor is on a talk show and casually mentions his new movie and makes it sound like the best work of his entire career, and indirectly coaxes the interviewer into talking more about the new film he wants to promote. Or when a job candidate subtly brags about themselves in an interview by telling a story about a time when they showed initiative and creativity. So the two simple ways to begin to practice this technique: (1) Always answer the question you wish you would have been asked.

(2) Tell a story that lets you indirectly smuggle in your real message. E.g. When the actor tells a funny story about something that happened to them on the set of their recent movie, which then allows them to seamlessly have a conversation to promote that new movie. (Hint: This one is also really handy on a date ­ when you want to show off or display a particular characteristic you have without coming across as bragging or being self­indulgent. e.g. telling a story about a time you were adventurous, spontaneous, brave, generous, etc.) 3. Learn How To Be An ‘Emotional Conductor’ (And Become Impervious To Insults, Criticism and Mockery) We all have to learn how to be strong in the face of criticism. Matt tells me he actually looks forward to criticism these days because it gives him a chance to show what he’s made of in his response. This is because Matt has mastered the art of being an Emotional Conductor. This is one of the most powerful ideas I’ve ever come across, and it’s one Matt uses whenever he’s on stage, or pitching to executives, or in interviews – it’s especially great when facing intimidating and urgent scenarios in which you have to respond on your feet. Being an Emotional Conductor means being able to be the emotional center of any situation. It’s being the person who controls the mood, instead of simply reacting to it. It’s the ability to turn a negative into a positive, instead of doing what most people do, which is meet a negative with another negative and end up embarrassing themselves and losing control of the conversation. People who don’t have impact are easily flustered and become emotional when they are attacked or when things go even slightly wrong. They fall to pieces. They complain. They get upset. Or worse, they come back with anger and end up looking like the nasty one themselves. Being in control isn’t about avoiding these difficult or dangerous conflict

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situations, it’s about being calm and knowing how to deal with conflict, difficulties and criticism. One way to do this is by leading the energy in the room where you want it to go. There is a Japanese martial art called Aikido which embodies this idea beautifully. Aikido is often translated as “The Way of The Harmonious Spirit” and its main philosophy is based on the idea that we must never meet force head­on, but instead re­direct the force of the attacker to where we want it to go. This means that Aikido requires very little strength. Instead it requires us to be more sophisticated and ‘lead’ our opponent’s momentum and either turn it towards another direction, turn it into something else, or dissolve it completely. Here are three ways to master this technique whenever you face criticism: (1) Remain calm ­ If you panic, you lose impact. Whatever is thrown at you, remain calm and assured that you are able to deal with it in a reasonable way. This already makes you more powerful than anyone in the room. (2) Decide your own mood ­ Choose your response and set the tone yourself. Never let other people’s moods influence your own energy. The more in control you are of your mood, the more others will be led by you. (3) Re­direct criticism to something positive ­ Very few things in life warrant an angry or emotional response. Some better responses are to either (a) calmly explain why a criticism is incorrect, (b) laugh it off and take it in your stride, or (c) ignore it completely (because sometimes the strongest response is none at all). Now, when you are faced with tough questions, you’ll look forward to them and enjoy these moments of tension – as it becomes like taking a remote control into your hands and deciding how to play the situation any way you choose. Notice how many times Matt gets insulted playfully in the opening of the interview. It seems like nothing, because each time he either lets the jokes wash over him, or he just amplifies the humour by stretching the joke

further. Notice how Matt says that even his stylist says he dresses terribly, and he goes on to say how he’s a terrible coach, and no­one should take his advice. By shouldering the criticism and making it funnier, Matt conducts the emotional energy and makes himself seem like more of an expert because he doesn’t look like he’s trying too hard. He makes it look like he’s there to have fun – and as a result he takes the rest of the crowd with his energy – until by the sixth minute Elvis Duran admits “you just have the right answer at all times.” This brings us to another principle we see in these first five minutes… 4. Adopt a Value­Delivering Mindset (and let others praise you for it) You can adopt all the fancy tricks you want, but if you just talk hot air and never really get to any meat, you’ll lose your audience very quickly. Which is why you have to never take your position for granted, and treat every new opportunity as though it were the first and only time people are going to hear what you have to say. That means (a) not being complacent, and (b) being prepared to sell your ideas as though no­one has ever heard them before. Notice how at no point does Matt come in and pretend he’s a high­and­mighty dating guru who has all the secrets of the universe in his pocket. As well as not taking the criticism seriously, Matt also doesn’t take the praise seriously. He knows he’s on the show to deliver and entertain, and that every single new interview is a chance to bring his material to an entirely new audience. Which is why Matt always has a focus on over­delivering. He wants any single person who tuned in to Elvis Duran that day to feel like they were hit with so much value, whether it’s through entertainment, intriguing ideas or a fresh perspective on an old problem, so that they can’t believe this guy is giving it away for free.

That’s what makes people want to hear every single thing you have to say ­ when they feel like they are always going to get gold no matter how many times they hear you speak. People who have impact know that they can never ride on a previous reputation. They have to be as ready and excited to deliver and re­deliver every time as if it were their very first opportunity. 5. Being a Master Storyteller In ancient Athens it was recognized by philosophers that expert communication had to have two parts working in tandem, Logic and Rhetoric. Logic involves getting the facts right and making sure that the speaker knows that what they are saying makes sense and follows sound reasoning. Rhetoric is all about how things are said, how emotion is used, and how convincing one is in the way they tell the facts so as to have maximum influence on others. The Greeks recognized that both of these, Logic and Rhetoric, had to be combined, and that too much of one without the other would diminish the impact a person could hope to have. Storytelling focuses on the Rhetoric part, and it’s a skill that recognizes that there is more to influence than just intelligence. While it’s incredibly useful and important to be smart and right, facts on their own rarely move people to action. Influence comes from being able to tell an engaging and moving story that captivates an audience and wins them over with its power. Consider why movies have so much more effect at bringing world problems to people’s attention – compare the emotional power of a film like Blood Diamond to the effect of a passive news item that simply reels off numbers and statistics about the calamities caused by the diamond trade in Sierra Leone.

We need stories to move us into action. And people who own the room need to be able to move others into action. Which means we have to become Master Storytellers. Notice in the Elvis Duran interview how Matt peppers his story with vivid language. Instead of just describing a bad flight, he asks the audience to imagine ‘the worst flight in the world’. We hear about a fat bearded guy playing loud video games, and, to introduce the horror of smelling baby vomit, Matt asks the studio to imagine “what can only be described as the most pungent cheese I’ve ever smelt”. Suddenly the hosts are groaning and laughing at how terrible this situation is! Notice the power of injecting emotion and drawing out the detail – instead of just coming in and saying “yeah, so my flight sucked today”. As you can hear in the interview: when you master storytelling, even complaining and bitching about a bad flight can create an incredible atmosphere in the room the way Matt does here. 6. Be Empathetic and Show Appreciation To Others To truly get others hooked on what we have to say, we have to follow that old adage: Seek first to understand, then to be understood. People who have real, lasting influence aren’t self­obsessed and narcissistic. They are able to make others feel truly valued as if they were the only people in the world at that moment. Having empathy means truly taking the time to understand what concerns others and tailoring your message to their needs at any given time. If Matt marched into a seminar room without acknowledging the audience’s fears and concerns, they would soon feel like he had no right to be on a stage telling them about their love lives. They would think: “This guy doesn’t understand me or what I’ve been through at all!”, and all of a sudden he would lose credibility in their eyes. Having empathy is the way to not only deliver your message, but to

make your audience feel like your message has been delivered just for them and only them and with them in mind. This is perhaps the biggest secret of any great public speaker, and it’s what sets apart those who are merely competent performers from those who are able to lead on a world­scale and create any emotion they choose. One way Matt builds empathy in the interview is by being a fallible human. He shows that he isn’t going to be another self­help guru who is Mr Perfect by pretending that he has no flaws. Notice in the Elvis Duran interview how Matt shows humility – he plays down his expert status and emphasizes the fact that he’s not a master – he’s just someone who has thought about relationships for so long that he’s managed to figure a few things out and wants to share them with people. He even throws in a sneaky line about how he’s been telling other people how great Elvis himself is, so he shows that he’s not making the show all about him. If you make others feel like the show is for them, they’ll want to come back to the show every single time. The easy way to practise this is to try understanding where other people are coming from. What’s on their mind? How can you make the conversation address their immediate need? Get into someone’s mind, and you’ll have no problem winning their heart.

So can you now see how it’s possible to apply these techniques to completely OWN the First Five Minutes of any interaction? In just five minutes of a radio interview, Matt used these six principles to walk into the room, have everyone laughing and eating out of his hand, and set the situation to create major impact for the next hour of the interview. Can you see why this is so powerful? I could write a book on the whole hour and that was just the opening five minutes of the interview. There's an entire world of secrets that Matt uses to be successful, and if we push Matt maybe he'll start talking about it more and reveal more of his secrets. I know you'll love them and be able to use them to transform your own life. This also totally blows apart the myth of ‘natural charisma’ that everyone likes to pretend exists. You can now see how rigorously Matt employs these principles to ensure he has influence. Nothing is left to chance. Take time to study these six secrets and start building them into your repertoire so that you have no excuse not to win people over in the first five minutes. One more thing… I only just showed this document to Matt, and he was good enough to agree to release it to his ENTIRE mailing list. My intention in writing this is to open up a can of worms and really get Matt to take notice of this material that I KNOW so many of his fans would like him to talk about more. I hear so many people screaming for him to go further and apply his approach to other areas of their lives that I knew it couldn’t wait any longer ­ people have been wanting to hear about Matt’s approach to leading a successful and fulfilling life for years now. My hope is that this document will generate enough of a reaction to light a fuse and bring Matt to do something about it.

Please send your feedback to us letting us know what you think of this material. With enough feedback, and if I can convince Matt people actually want to hear him elaborate on the kind of skills mentioned in this guide, it might just tip him over the edge and get him to release his treasure chest of skills. These are the things Matt has spent his whole life learning (much of which he had to learn through painful, brutal experience). If he ever put this stuff out there, I’ve told him it could be the coolest thing he’s ever released. But it will require him to open up, come clean and reveal his whole box of tricks (which will equip you with the tools you need to go and create impact everywhere in your life). We all know from that interview that Matt can talk a good game..now I want to know if he can live up to the hype. I’ve put the ball in his court. Let’s see how he plays it… By Stephen H Hussey Feedback: support@gettheguy.co.uk

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